


Let me

by my_star_wars_hyperfixation



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Armitage Hux Has Issues, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Bottom Armitage Hux, First Time, M/M, Oral Sex, Resistance Member Armitage Hux, Top Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:35:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29130399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_star_wars_hyperfixation/pseuds/my_star_wars_hyperfixation
Summary: Two times Poe lets Hux and two time Hux lets Poe.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Comments: 17
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

Poe rescued him, though Hux was reluctant to call it a rescue after the resistance pilot dragged him to his ship where he had yelled at him for the whole trip. But then again, he had been a spy for the resistance for long enough for Dameron to know how actually desperate he was to get out of the First Order, he had brought it upon himself, really. 

Armitage was reluctant in the beginning, especially when Poe was in the room. At first, they thought it was because of political reasons and contemplated just sending him away with a fake identity, his defection had been too meaningful to just execute him like the more radical members of the resistance suggested. They almost agreed to throw him in jail on some outer rim planet, but after a couple days General Organa started finding detailed descriptions of First Order strategies, ships and planet-side infrastructures which were obviously left by Hux, no other person at the base could have had that level of knowledge. 

Organa eventually settled on private meetings with the former General and he was more than happy to provide insight on how to defeat the First Order or, how he likes to phrase it, defeat Kylo Ren. He happily went back to his old habit of pulling all-nighters to work, only this time with the goal of helping the resistance. _My father would be proud_ , he ironically thought sometimes. 

But no matter how much he tried to outwork himself; his feelings insistently kept emerging. And Poe certainly didn’t help with his daily checking up on him and attempts at small talk whenever he saw him at dinner. 

And Hux knew Poe was somehow interested in him; he could see the hunger in the other man's eyes when he talked to him, working with Force users required him to learn to read people even just a little. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it, the only logical explanation being that Poe had some kind of power fantasy, a wish to make the former General submit to him. It seemed appropriate, after all, wanting to take something so private from the man who took so much from you. And what scared Hux the most was that he wanted to do just that, _give, give, give._ But perhaps what actually scared him was the genuine concern, the affection he could see beneath that hunger, things he didn’t understand but he was sure he didn’t deserve. 

Eventually though he decided to give in to Poe's courtship. Maybe giving Poe what he wanted would make him realize that there was nothing possibly desirable in Hux. Armitage would accept it then; rejection surely wasn’t new to him. 

The first time it happened was after a strategy meeting. General Organa got him to participate and Hux reluctantly accepted, regretting it the moment Poe's gaze fell on him and didn’t shift for almost the whole meeting. They parted ways but eventually ended up meeting again at the communal showers. They were empty, of course, as they always were at that hour of the night. Poe didn't even look at him when he entered the room and proceeded to just undress, as if Hux wasn't there. And Armitage couldn't keep himself from staring. Poe's gaze on him during the meeting, the radiant smile he greeted him with, the squeeze of his arm at the end of the meeting to congratulate him on something Hux immediately forgot when the other touched him, it was just too much. And now Poe was standing practically naked in front of him. 

"See something you like, Hugs?" 

_Yes, yes, yes_. Hux felt like that sentence alone managed to simultaneously petrify him and twist every part of his body. He batted his eyelashes a few times. As if moving without his consent, his legs took a few steps in Poe's direction until Hux was only a few centimetres away from the other's face. And then he did the only thing he deemed appropriate: he dropped to his knees in front of Dameron. 

As his kneecaps hit the cold and unforgiving floor, the realization washed over him. Poe didn't really want him, he just wanted to toy with him, humiliate him and treasure that moment as his little revenge. He didn't dare to look up, neither to Poe's face nor to his pelvic area, now directly in front of him though still covered by his black boxers. 

"Hux..." 

He felt Poe's strong hand begin to cradle his face and moved a little to get out of his reach. He could feel it in Poe's voice, pity and disgust, probably the kindest things people felt towards him. He gulped and looked up, his face probably looking as desperate as he felt. If Poe wanted to humiliate him, after all, maybe giving him what he wanted would do him some good. 

"Just don't talk and let me..." he breathed out, lightly tugging at Poe's briefs elastic, " _please_ " 

Poe furrowed his brows and checked his surroundings a couple times before bringing his gaze back to Hux. He gestured to where the other man was kneeling and smirked. 

"By all means, then" 

And Hux wanted to look up, see the amusement in Poe's face, the smirk that so often appeared in his most embarrassing and teenaged dreams. Instead, he focused on the briefs he was now about to remove. He expected Dameron to immediately push him away, to feel disgusted, call him something horrible Hux would've probably accepted, like he deserved it. Instead, Poe just let him. 

Hux started by palming Poe through his underwear, much to his surprise the other man seemed to already be half hard. Maybe he got off on the image of Hux on his knees before him, the humiliation that came with kneeling, the confirmation of his victory over the former General. Hux audibly swallowed when the other man started properly hardening, he was definitely bigger than Hux expected, fitting all of him into his mouth would certainly be a challenge but Hux fantasised about that moment way too many times to shy away now. 

He hesitantly pulled Poe's boxers down, barely enough to take him out of them, and began closing the distance between himself and the other's member. Until he felt an unfamiliar presence on the back of his head, Dameron was lightly tugging his hair, keeping him in place. 

And that was the part were Poe laughed at him, disgusted, and went away to tell his rebel friends how the former General of the First Order was willing to debase himself like a common whore. 

Dameron did none of those things, instead he brushed a finger on his cheek with an affection that Hux found entirely unjustified. 

"Hux, are you... are you sure about this?" 

The redhead audibly gulped and looked down, not trusting himself to meet Poe's gaze. He felt his eyes watering a little while he tried to conceive the words to tell Dameron that _yes, he was sure_ , he didn't even remember the first time he thought about doing just that. 

"Do you think I'd be on my knees for you if I weren't?" 

What was supposed to be a witty response ended up sounding defeated and slightly wrecked. 

Poe caressed his cheek again and rested his other hand on the side of Hux' head before lightly scratching, like the other man was a feral loth-cat he managed to domesticate, something worth keeping. 

When Hux' attention went back to the other's member, Poe was fully hard. He felt his mouth water and closed the distance between them like he attempted before Poe stopped him, _finally_. 

The first thing Hux did, of course, was try to set a rhythm. He bobbed his head up and down on Poe's cock and though the act itself had no dignity in it, the calculated and precise way he buried the length into the warmth of his mouth made him feel like he was maintaining some shred of self-control. 

Hux kept his eyes shut, not feeling ready to meet Dameron's gaze just yet - though he thought he'd never be able to do so. Poe kept stocking his hair, gentle and caring in a way that to Hux felt completely foreign. 

Despite his gentle touch, not a word spilled from Poe's mouth, the greatest assurance Hux was getting were some occasional deep breaths. He felt his eyes watering again, if Dameron hadn't laughed at him when Hux threw himself at him, he definitely would now. Hux expected some cruel joke about how he wasn't even good at pleasuring another man, after all his father made sure he knew he wasn't good for anything, apparently not even that. 

He didn't look up, instead opted to trying to take Poe's whole length into his mouth. In the precise moment he felt it hitting the back of his throat, a sound finally spilled from Poe's lips and Hux thought that he wanted to hear that sound for the rest of his life. 

"Oh, _oh_ , that's good" 

And that was all the encouragement Hux needed to pretty much start fucking his face on Poe's length. Small gasps and moans started spilling from Dameron's mouth more and more often, Hux almost thought he could forget the humiliation burning deep into his gut since the moment he dropped to his knees in front of him. 

"You're so good, _yes_ , just like that, you're doing great" 

Hux kept bobbing his head up and down, letting the other man's length hit the back of his throat with almost every thrust. Poe's gentle touches to his hair suddenly stopped, replaced by the other's hands holding him in place once again. 

Hux looked up and even though he couldn't see himself he was sure he looked absolutely debauched, his lips slick with drool and precome. 

"I'm about to..." 

Poe sounded out of breath and Hux couldn't help but feeling a little proud of himself. Hux interrupted him, staring intently into the other's deep brown eyes. 

"Just... Don't worry, let me" 

He didn't hold Poe's gaze long enough to see his face as he swallowed him whole again. After just a few seconds Hux felt Poe’s hot come going down his throat. He pulled away panting heavily, when he looked up Dameron didn’t look half as debauched as Hux felt. 

Hux stood up slowly, he didn’t really trust his knees not to buckle but he felt like he had no other choice. Besides, what was the alternative supposed to be, beg Dameron to help him up because he couldn’t even stand up on his own now? 

Dameron raised a hand and brought it to Hux’ cheek, attempting to stroke it like he did just a couple minutes prior, the other man promptly batted it away. He was starting to regret everything he did, yet his own length was pressing insistently against the seam of his pants, making them seem uncomfortably tight. 

Poe looked slightly confused by Hux’ sudden change of behaviour, yet too content and relaxed to do something apart than watching the other man go. Hux practically ran away, resisting the urge to turn around even when Poe said: “Hux, wait, what...” 

He hurried back to his room and laid on his bed for yet another sleepless night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This my first fanfiction since like middle school, I'm begging you for comments.


	2. Chapter 2

He didn’t precisely know how it had happened that time. Hux made his best efforts to ignore Poe for two whole weeks and the pilot-turned-Commander Dameron strangely respected his choice. He told himself it wouldn’t happen again, that he enjoyed debasing himself way too much for it to become a regular practice. And yet there he was, kneeling between Dameron’s legs on the floor of his quarters while the other man lazily sipped from a glass of corellian rum. 

Hux attempted to unzip Poe’s pants for what he thought was the third time that evening, once again the other man shook his head and grabbed his hand to stop him. This time though he didn’t simply put it back on his knees, instead he brought it up his lips and tenderly kissed his wrist. Hux grimaced a little but didn’t take the hand away. Poe kept distributing brief kisses on his wrist, then the palm of his hand. When Dameron lowered his hand, he didn’t completely release him, instead he kept holding it while it rested on his knee. 

“Will you just let me get on with it already?” said Hux, furrowing his brows. 

Poe seemed to contemplate what the other just said but after a couple seconds he once again shook his head slowly. This time he smiled at Hux, not a cruel smile like those of the boys who made fun of him at the Academy, a gentle smile that once again implied that to him Hux was something worth keeping. Poe brushed his fingers on Hux’ forehead and tucked a lock of ginger hair behind his ear. His hair had definitely grown longer since he arrived at the base, he had it cut once but not the same short cut he’d used since he was a child. He wasn’t sure he liked it but Poe apparently did and he liked the feeling of not being in charge of those small things about himself. 

“I’m trying to enjoy your company, will _you_ let me?” 

Hux huffed and Poe thought it was the thing that resembled a laugh the most he ever heard come out of the other man's mouth. He liked touching Hux’ hair, he decided, they were so soft and so different from the rigid and pristine hairstyle he used back in the Order. 

“With me on my knees?” 

It was Poe who laughed this time. He took another sip of rum. 

“If I recall correctly, you were the one who dropped to his knees as soon as I closed the door” 

He was right, of course he would be. When Poe closed the door behind himself, he leaned in, beginning to close the distance between him and Hux. As soon as the former General understood that what the other man was attempting to initiate was a kiss, he felt like he had no alternative but dropping to the floor instead. Poe cradled his face with his hands, the palms almost covering the entirety of Hux' face, and attempted to bring him back up. When Hux vehemently refused, Poe resorted to joining him on the floor. He took Hux’ chin, his touch light as a feather, so unlike any other touch Hux ever experienced. When he tried kissing him again, Hux whispered a _no_ so soft he thought Poe would never hear it. And yet he did, he heard him and he stopped. But not only did Poe stop, he didn’t pressure Hux, yet another thing that was completely foreign to the other man before meeting Dameron. 

Hux nodded, looking away from Poe's overtly gentle gaze. 

“I thought you liked me on my knees” 

Poe smiled down to him, entirely too affectionately. 

“I like you however you want to be” 

Hux sneered, Poe had finally crossed the line of blatant lies he was willing to believe in the name of the illusion that the other man really cared for him. 

“Dameron, seriously, stop” 

Poe frowned and attempted to rest a soothing hand on Hux' cheek, the other promptly batted it away. 

“But it's true! I...” 

Hux sneered again, his gaze now stuck on the floor. He couldn’t bear to look at Dameron, so sure that he would’ve found a pitiful smile, at best. 

“No need to lie, I’m still going to...” 

He didn’t have the heart to complete the sentence, already feeling humiliated enough, not only by his position before the resistance Commander, but mostly by the other's blatant and unnecessary lies. Instead, he slid his hands up Poe’s thighs until they met the buttons of his trousers. 

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, you know” 

Hux shook his head, still avoiding Poe’s gaze. He unbuttoned Poe’s pants in one swift motion that made him feel like what he was doing was cold and professional. It made Hux feel better somehow, knowing that what he was doing was dictated by some kind of sense of duty. It made it easier to ignore the butterflies in his stomach when Dameron smiled at him in the dining hall, or the unjustified feeling of comfort when he squeezed his right shoulder before a meeting. 

“I do” 

Dameron was about to say something when Hux looked back up at him and he stopped. Perhaps Poe saw the desperation on the former General’s face and he was willing to let him continue, Hux figured the kindest thing Poe was ever going to feel towards him was pity, and he was fine with it if it meant they could keep playing this game of pretend closeness. 

When Hux took Poe out of his pants the other man was only half hard, perhaps even less than the previous time at the communal showers. Hux knew the Commander would eventually get tired of his face burning with humiliation, after all Hux supposed the other man was used to much more arousing sights. 

Poe kept stroking his hair like he did the previous time and, if Hux dared to look up, he was sure he would’ve found an encouraging smirk on his face. The redhead didn’t know what came over him, he’d given enough blowjobs in his life to be able to do it in a dignified and efficient way, and yet there he was, kneeling before the man who’d been the protagonist of all his fantasies in the past months, overanalysing a damned blowjob. He scoffed at himself and was grateful when the other man decided not to inquire him on that. 

Hux finally gathered the courage to take Poe out of his boxers and licked a wet stripe across his length, the other man took a deep breath and slightly tightened his hold on Hux’ hair before noticing and going back to lightly scratching his head. Hux wanted to tell him that this pretend gentleness was absurd and that he was smarter than to believe him, that he knew Poe wanted to be rough with him as Hux deserved, that he needed to stop pretending Hux was something worth protecting. He wanted Poe to pull his hair and push his head down, to make him forget his ridiculous feelings and remind him that to Dameron he was nothing more than an easy fuck, he needed this ambiguity to be over. 

Hux said none of those things. 

Now Poe was fully hard, hot and heavy in Hux’ mouth. Perhaps he really enjoyed looking at Hux’ wrecked face as he tried so hard to please him. What Poe didn’t know was that desperate attempts at pleasing people were a specialty of him, since his youth with his father, then his teachers at the Academy, the Supreme Leader and now Poe; an endless cycle of rejection and desperation, all on Hux’ part. 

“I underestimated how good you are at this, _fuck_ ” 

He felt Poe shifting under his ministrations and, when he finally looked up, he saw the other man threw his head back and closed his eyes. Hux was glad because he knew, if Dameron looked at him now, he would find him furiously blushing all from that shallow bit of praise. Poe kept accidentally tightening his hold on Hux’ hair and then shortly releasing him while apologetically rubbing soothing circles on his neck and face; if Poe did that one more time Hux thought it would definitively drive him mad. 

When he felt Dameron was close, he abruptly pulled off, hoping the other man would finally loose his cool and just shove his mouth back on his length. Instead, Poe took his time catching his breath and looked down at where Hux was kneeling. He smiled in a way that the redhead could only call affectionate, ridiculously so, and lifted Hux’ chin with his fingers. 

“Is something wrong?” 

Poe’s fingers kept tracing the line of Hux’ swollen lips in a way that was gentler than any other touch Hux ever experienced, especially in a situation like that. He shook his head quickly, hoping Poe wouldn’t question his answer, but of course Dameron did. 

“Are you sure?” 

This time he tucked a lock of stray hair between Hux’ ear, in an unnecessarily sweet manner. Hux nodded and tried to surge back down to take Poe’s length into his mouth but Poe stopped him, holding his bony face between his big hands. Hux decided he liked Poe’s hands; though they were callous from piloting, they provided a feeling of stability. He also thought that, if only Poe wanted to, he could completely cover his mouth with just one hand to stop him from moaning as he fucked him against some wall. _Kriff_ _, I really am lost_ , Hux thought. 

“I think I want to come on your face, then” 

And just hearing Poe’s rough voice say that made Hux moan like he probably never had in his life, unless he was faking it. Poe kept stroking his hair as his other hand lazily stroked his own member. He stroked himself slowly, as if one of the most prominent men in the resistance had nothing better to do than sit there and indulge Hux. 

“Will you allow me, Hux?” 

Just as he was about to enthusiastically nod, Poe's grip on his hair finally tightened, holding his head in place. 

“Will you? I want to hear you say it” 

Hux could feel his face burning, probably having become the same colour as his hair. He wasn’t sure if Poe was mocking him or sincerely wanted his consent. Poe seemed to take the latter notion pretty seriously, much more than the men Hux entertained himself with in the past. 

“Dameron, _please_ , yes” 

Despite his best efforts, his voice sounded as wrecked as he felt. But maybe there was no use in pretending anymore, Hux already did the unthinkable in front of Poe. 

The Commander didn’t need any further encouragement and began stroking himself faster. He kept looking Hux straight into the eyes, his own gaze darker than it usually was, filled with lust and something else Hux couldn’t quite place. If Hux managed to hold his gaze before, when Dameron's hand moved to his neck to keep him in place while soothingly caressing his soft skin, he once again felt like he was completely lost. Poe kept holding him there while stroking himself, faster and faster. 

“I’m so close, _fuck_ _Hux,_ you’re beautiful” 

And Hux’ brain completely short-circuited hearing those words. Deep down he knew Dameron wasn’t truthful, and yet for just a moment he allowed himself to believe it. He expected him to add a _like this_ at the end of the sentence, something that let Hux know Dameron only thought that of him when he humiliated himself for him; and yet Dameron put no limit to his statement. 

Hux was too focused on his thoughts to notice Poe was coming until he felt the white and sticky substance on his face. Next thing he knew Dameron's hand was on his face again, collecting the cum on his fingers. In one swift motion Hux grabbed the other man's hand and started licking his fingers clean. When he looked up at Poe his mouth was agape and he was running his free hand through his hair. 

“You really are something else, Hugs” he said as he went back to stroking Hux' hair. 

Dameron laughed again then, a softer laugh than usual, and Hux thought he wanted to hear that sound for the rest of his life. He felt content, despite his own raging arousal which he would deal with in the privacy of his quarters. This time he stayed on his knees instead of hurriedly leaving the room. 

“Am I supposed to take it as a compliment, Dameron?” 

And once again what was supposed to be a witty remark ended up sounding too soft and small when Hux said it. Poe smiled and, in his expression, the former General could see something he could only describe as fondness. The Commander scratched the side of Hux' head one last time before patting his tights, inviting the other man to sit there. 

When Hux made no effort to move from the floor, Dameron spoke again: “Come up here, please?” 

Once again Hux remained still. Dameron didn’t look like the type of person to force him to do something, and yet Hux couldn’t bring himself to comply. But now Poe wasn’t touching him anymore and Hux sensed he was probably going to get bored of him pretty soon if he continued to stay on the floor and avoid his gaze. With an unsure motion Hux stood up and sat back down next to Poe. Even though he didn’t sit on his lap like the other man suggested, the proximity the small sofa forced them to maintain didn’t feel any different for Hux. He wasn’t sure if he liked it, or rather, if he was ready to admit to himself that he did. 

Hux was about to fall into another spiral of self-doubt when Poe’s voice brought him back to reality. 

“Can I kiss you? It’s okay if you say no” 

Hux’ mouth fell agape. Of course, he’d thought about Poe kissing him, more than once too, but the act itself suddenly felt too intimate. Besides, he was sure Poe would be doing it out of pity for him, it seemed impossible that the other man really wanted him. The gentle touches while Hux was on his knees for him were one thing, but an act as reciprocate as kissing was just too much. Hux shook his head lightly, feeling a pang of regret as Poe nodded acceptingly. 

“It’s alright, don’t feel pressured” said Poe, smiling tenderly once again. 

As Poe leaned towards the table next to the sofa to get another glass of rum, Hux shifted to avoid touching him but instead Dameron’s forearm brushed against his hip, dangerously near to his straining arousal. A shudder went down Hux’s spine as an embarrassingly high-pitched moan escaped his lips. He immediately moved his hand to cover his mouth but it was too late, Dameron was already turning to face him. 

“Are you... _Oh_. Do you want me to...?” 

Hux vehemently shook his head as he stood up from the sofa and hurried to the door. This time Poe didn’t try to stop him and, deep down, Hux wished he had. 

He hurried back to his small room, careful to avoid the more crowded areas of the base. No resistance member probably had a high opinion of him, but they didn’t need to see him in that state. 

That night he came thinking about Poe’s strong hands holding him in place and, even though he didn’t want to admit it, affectionately stroking his hair as he drove into him. 


	3. Chapter 3

After that night at his quarters, Hux once again did his best to avoid Dameron for the following week. Everyone on base was busy with what they described as a crucial attack so they didn’t even notice his reclusive behaviour. Except, of course, for Poe Dameron.

It was the night before the attack, in just a few hours almost everyone on base would’ve left except for Hux and a few technicians. Hux didn’t know the details of the mission, they didn’t want to disclose them with him, but from what Tico told him it was the most reckless attack the resistance ever organized. Of course, Dameron was leading the attack, when the word  _ reckless  _ was involved Hux had no doubt Poe would be there. He tried to ignore it but ever since they told him he couldn’t help but feeling the heavy weight of anxiety on his chest.

Hux spent the previous days at Rose Tico’s workshop working on whatever piece of tech she thought could help them infiltrate the First Order. During his General days Hux used to supervise pretty much all of the Order’s technological development, despite that his knowledge was apparently not enough to convince Dameron to find a less dangerous approach to whatever mission he had in mind. Rose was currently busy spending time with Rey and her other friends before they left so Hux just had to take one of the meeting rooms to keep working on an old FO data-pad she gave him.

“What are you doing here?”

Suddenly Hux heard a voice from the other side of the room, slightly startled he turned around to see the voice belonged to none other than Poe.  _ Kriff _ .

“Don’t worry, I’m not plotting the resistance’s demise; I’m simply trying to access some things for Tico. What about you?”

This time his voice didn’t come out as soft and unsure as it usually did in  Dameron’s presence, Hux thanked the stars for that. Despite his sure tone he could feel a blush creeping up his neck when he remembered his last interaction with the Commander.

“ We have a meeting, don’t we?”

Hux didn’t have the presumption to think Poe was looking for him, while he was busy ignoring him the other man probably already found someone else to entertain himself with, someone better than him, Hux supposed. Maybe the Jedi girl, though it was difficult to tell when Dameron was actually flirting rather than just being friendly. Despite that, Hux supposed that Rey had much more to offer than him.

“ In almost two hours, punctuality has never been a Poe Dameron trait”

Poe huffed a laugh, though it seemed darker than usual, almost sad. It was hard for Hux to imagine Dameron was worried about anything, but maybe even he was worried about the impending mission. Poe dragged a hand on his face, maybe in an attempt to regain his confident façade.

“ I didn’t realise, mind if I sit down?”

His voice sounded different too, as if something took away the usual sarcastic tone. Hux supposed he’d been mistaken, maybe even Dameron worried like everybody else. He felt a sudden pang of guilt in his chest, maybe it was better to put some distance between the two of them, his constant sulking surely wouldn’t help Poe.

“Do you need something, Dameron?” he asked, his voice cool, a shred of his old First Order persona.

Of course, Dameron disregarded Hux’ comeback and sat down on the edge of the table, just a few meters away from the seat Hux was using to work on the data-pad. For a second Hux wished the other man sat closer to him, he immediately tried to push that thought away though it was proving more difficult than he expected.

“Maybe I just want to enjoy your company, Hugs”

Poe’s sentence was accompanied by a smirk, though his voice sounded emptier than usual, tired even. Hux supposed he was part of the reason Poe sounded so tired. Their relationship, calling him that made him feel something he couldn’t name, had some pretty clear boundaries, or so Hux thought. Once he overheard Rose talking about how Dameron was not one for commitment, being his lover was a  _ high turnover position _ , she said, and more often than not on  Dameron’s volition, rather than his lovers. Hux had no desire to be yet another desperate ex-lover begging for a second chance with the resistance’s hot-headed fly-boy turned Commander. And yet he was dangerously close to becoming just that, Dameron was soon going to get tired of the uncomfortable interactions and weeks of silence from Hux and all of that for what, a particularly enthusiastic blowjob?

“I’m working”

Maybe if he pushed him away now Hux wouldn’t become just another pathetic fling Dameron would make fun of with his friends. 

“I like to watch you work”

But when those words came out of Poe’s mouth, Hux’ brain short-circuited like when he was on his knees for Dameron and he told him he was beautiful. It was probably just an elaborate joke at his expense, the notion that Dameron might like something about him apart from the way he eagerly humiliated himself in front of him was unthinkable, almost unbearable for his mind to try and conceive.

“What?” once again Hux’ voice ended up sounding small and hesitant, so unlike the man he used to be. 

“You look at ease,  I like it,  it's relaxing”

Poe smiled ; it was the same slightly melancholic smile of when he  rescued him . During his youth his  father made sure Hux knew happiness was not something compatible with his existence, and Hux knew better than to think his life with the resistance would be any different.  Rey told him General Organa used to think Dameron  was never going to be satisfied , there always were more people to save, more good  things  to do, even if that meant endangering himself,  and Hux surely wasn’t ever going to be enough for him. 

“ Let me get this straight, Dameron, you like watching me work because you find it relaxing that I am , supposedly,  relaxed?”

Poe ran a hand through his dark curls, he looked like Hux’ response had somehow taken him aback. During his first days at the resistance base Hux tried to maintain a shred of his old self, he walked in long strides even when no one looked at him with the same respect his troops had, he even tried to wear clothes that resembled his old uniform. But since that  _ thing  _ with Dameron began he felt like his First Order self was dying or, more accurately, he realized that part of himself died long ago and what he was clinging to was nothing more than a hollow shell wrapped up in a black uniform. When those words came out of his mouth, they weren’t accompanied by half the venom they would’ve been coated in mere months ago, but Hux couldn’t help but feeling like something was wrong with them, like the man who said that was somebody else.

“ Look, Hugs, I don’t know . If you noticed I'm going on a pretty big mission tomorrow so excuse me if I’m a bit on edge”

And it was needless to say that Hux had noticed, he’d been feeling the constant and excruciatingly heavy weight of anxiety crushing his body since Tico told him about the mission and who was leading it. He felt the bitter taste of shame rising in him, and to think mere months ago he would’ve prided himself of having cracked the Commander’s stoic façade.

“Sorry, I... I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to...” He whispered, perhaps more to himself than to Dameron, he supposed the other man wouldn’t really care about what he thought of him anyway.

“ It's alright , I didn’t want to interrupt  your work”

With that Hux went back to working on the data-pad and Dameron sat back down on a spare chair. Despite the conversation having ended, Hux couldn’t bring himself to focus anymore. Truth be told, he’d had trouble focusing on his work ever since he learnt about the mission, though he tried to ignore it, it was unusual and almost unthinkable for a man who just some months prior led the biggest army in the galaxy without ever doubting anything, besides, of course, for himself. All the data on the screen suddenly appeared not to make any sense, as if Hux forgot about everything he’d even known.

He turned to  Dameron’s direction, much to his surprise he hadn’t gone away. Instead, he was sitting on his chair and simply looking at Hux. The Commander raised an eyebrow, expecting the redhead to say something though, when his gaze met Poe’s, Hux immediately went back to the data-pad. After what felt like an eternity of staring at strings and strings of code, Hux the little device off and looked up again, however still avoiding the Commander’s eyes.

“Are you scared?”

Dameron looked back to him, once again seeming taken aback by the question. Hux briefly wondered whether being there actually distracted the other man or he simply found it absurd that Hux would think the dashing and fearless resistance hero was afraid of responding to the call of duty.

“What?” he asked.

Hux cleared his voice and repeated:  “For tomorrow, are you scared?”

Dameron ran a hand through his hair and shifted slightly in the chair, he looked almost nervous. Hux felt his nerves bundling up, he didn’t know what came over him. He’d become what his old First Order self would’ve called  _ disgustingly emotional _ and  _ ridiculously dependant  _ on others.

“I... no, I'm not, hope is stronger than fear  and even if I die, well, it was for something I believed in”

Hux felt his heart sink when those words came out of Poe’s mouth. He looked so different compared to the man who engaged a First Order dreadnought  _ in a X-wing _ , much older and more mature than the intrepid hero of the resistance he so often saw in the pieces of New Republic propaganda kept in the First Order’s banned media folder. He swallowed heavily, hoping to push the bitterness of Poe’s words away.

“Don’t say that”

And suddenly Hux felt like he went back to being the fragile and emotional kid who was trained since his birth to become a man he didn’t want to be, the same kid who woke up during the night begging his mother not to leave him.

“Why? Scared you'd miss me?”

Hux wasn’t sure he was allowed to  _ miss _ Poe; he always thought such feelings were meant to be reciprocated and he was sure Dameron would never miss  _ him _ . He wanted to say that he already did, and he didn’t think it was possible but if only Poe let him, he would try and give him everything he’d never been allowed to give, instead he just said: “Don’t joke about this, Dameron”

“Alright, I'm sorry”

He expected Dameron to make fun of him again, tell him to get it together and stop being so ridiculously attached to a man who surely didn’t care about him, who just considered him a source of intel at best and an easy fuck at worst. But in  Dameron’s voice Hux didn’t detect anything that confirmed his doubts, instead he found something that he couldn’t even begin to describe but, if they asked anybody else, would’ve been called  _ affection _ .

They fell into a comfortable silence, Poe kept looking at Hux with what he could only describe as fondness as he went back to working on the data-pad, slightly less distracted than before. But soon enough his self-doubt came back crushing him like a powerful wave; from a young age he learnt that every act of kindness was an exchange, Poe surely wanted something from him or, more accurately, wanted  _ him _ . 

“ Do you still want to... You know , what you said the other day ” he said, still avoiding Poe’s eyes.

“ What?”

Hux immediately regretted his question, Poe had probably forgot about it and, if he hadn’t, he didn’t care about it anymore. And yet Dameron was there, looking at him with the same fond expression on his face, and Hux felt like maybe for once someone actually cared what he said, wanted what he wanted.

“Do you still want to kiss me?” he blurted out, his voice not louder than a whisper, as if something in him still hoped Dameron wouldn’t hear, even as another part of him wanted to scream.

“Only if you want to”

Dameron’s voice seemed unsure, but Hux knew better than to think the other man was doubting himself, rather he was doubting Hux, trying to determine if he was doing that on his own volition. 

And Hux wanted to tell him that  _ yes, he wanted _ _ to _ , or, more accurately, he was  _ desperate _ for it. He wanted to scream at Dameron that he had to stop treating him like he was so fragile, like he didn’t know what he wanted, but maybe that was just what Hux had become. And yet looking at Dameron he  _ knew  _ there was nothing he wanted more than to feel those hands on him and that mouth on his. Instead, Hux just nodded.

“Come here” said Poe, patting his thighs like he did the previous night at his quarters.

And Hux suddenly remembered how he longed for that kind of proximity, though he refused to admit it to himself that night, deep down he knew it was all he wanted since Poe had rescued him from the  _ Steadfast _ . This time Hux didn’t hesitate, and when he went to sit down on Poe’s lap, he pretty much collapsed on him rather than graciously straddling him like he imagined more than once. Hux found the position admittedly awkward, he was too tall to properly sit on the other man’s lap without his legs slumping on either sides of the chair and his face being on a slightly higher level than Poe’s. When he tried to close the distance between him and Poe, he found the other’s hands holding his face in place while caressing his cheeks with the same unjustified tenderness he used with him the other times.

“Easy there, let me look at you” 

Poe’s voice sounded rougher than usual, and Hux couldn’t tell whether it was because of the situation or if he was simply tired.

“I’ll never understand why you insist  on looking at me this much ”

Despite the awkward position, Poe’s broader frame made him feel positively small. It was an odd feeling, Hux always felt ashamed of his thin and fragile body, he’d always engulfed himself in a uniform and avoided physical contact in fear people would notice; but now, feeling Poe’s proximity, he felt so  _ safe _ , it was almost worrying. 

“I like  looking at you , you're gorgeous”

Hux scoffed, he doubted he was ever going to believe Dameron when he said those things and it was hardly a problem. Being grounded in the real world had always been important for him, definitely better than being reminded of your failures by others, or so they taught him. But Poe was still there, holding Hux’ face in his hands and rubbing small circles just a little under his chin. 

“Stop lying, Dameron” he whispered, feeling like he was beginning to doubt his own words to believe Poe instead, a dangerous feeling he tried to immediately push away.

“ Stop killing the mood, Hugs, I could die tomorrow  and you...”

And then Hux kissed him, clumsy and hurried but, if they asked Poe, he would describe it as the best kiss of his life. It was admittedly graceless and inexperienced, and yet for the first time in his life Hux wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.

Hux’ skin was surprisingly soft, so different than what Poe imagined the former General Hux of the First Order to be like. And Poe felt emotions overcome him in a way that was entirely new. He’d always wished he found out sooner, he rescued Hux sooner, but now he just wanted to hold him and never let go.

When Poe broke the kiss, he found Hux panting heavily, his face a deep shade of red. He ran a hand through the other’s hair in reassurance, hoping Hux wasn’t regretting it already.

“Deep breaths, you were good, it was good”

Hux doubted Poe’s words were truthful, even he could tell that kiss was probably the worst Poe ever had, and yet he nodded, trying to comply to what Poe’s soothing voice was suggesting.

“I’m a mess, I’m sorry”

Hux’ voice sounder wrecked and Poe briefly wondered how it would sound in other situations if just kissing got him like this. Poe smiled and rested his forehead on Hux’ while moving his hands to rest against the other’s back.

Poe avoided touching his neck too much and Hux wondered whether it was because of the way he jumped, remembering Ren’s force grip, whenever they touched him there at the infirmary or if it was simply a lucky coincidence. Poe’s deep voice soon stopped the train of his thoughts.

“Yeah,  you kind of  are , but you’re a really beautiful one, not to mention really good at kissing”

This time Hux didn’t object to Poe’s compliment and to the latter it felt like the biggest victory of this war. One of Poe’s hand went back to the side of his face and started lightly scratching just above his hairline, Hux leaned into the touch like he’d wanted to do all the times Poe did that same thing.

Hux was remembered of the proximity when he felt Poe's erection pressing against the back of his thigh, he began sliding off his lap to kneel between Poe's legs. This time though  Dameron promptly slid his hands on the small of Hux' back, keeping him in place at first, and then making him slide closer to him. A soft moan escaped Hux' lips which he tried to muffle by burying his face between Poe's shoulder and neck.

“Don’t hold back, I want to hear you”

And just hearing Poe whisper that in his ear made Hux think he was about to come undone under the other man’s touch. Instead, he managed to raise his head to look at him. Poe didn’t look as debauched as Hux, but in his eyes he could see something akin to his own desperation.

“ We’re in a meeting room,  Dameron ”

Hux’ attempt at a reprimand tone miserably failed, Poe chuckled.

“So? You were  getting on your knees like three seconds ago”

Hux blushed and even fiercer shade of red, so bright Poe didn’t think it was possible; he found it truly adorable. 

“ W hy w on’t you let me?”

Poe gave Hux’ lips another light peck before unclasping the first button of Hux shirt and beginning to kiss at his collarbones. Hux whimpered when he felt Poe’s teeth nipping at his soft skin and, suddenly, he wished they had all the time in the galaxy. Before his thoughts could lead him into a spiral of doubts and commiseration, Poe looked up and Hux got lost in his eyes.

“I want to do something for you, will  _ you _ let  _ me _ ?” asked Poe, his hand on Hux’ thigh, rubbing circles against his skin through the  fabric of his pants.

Hux couldn’t help but nod.

It didn’t take him much time to come when Poe was touching him like that, with a tenderness that contrasted the rough texture of his skin. Coming under someone else’s ministrations was something Hux always considered unnecessary and embarrassing but, with Poe, it felt so different Hux thought it would quite literally blow his mind. 

When he tried to apologize for coming too soon, Poe pulled him down in a passionate kiss. When Poe reluctantly broke the kiss, Hux realized his hands were gripping the fabric of the front of Poe’s shirt with something he could only describe as desperation, despite the realization, he didn’t remove them.

Eventually they realized the time of the last meeting before the mission had arrived. They sat next to each other, like Hux used to do when General Organa was still in good health. More accurately, Hux sat while Poe held the last speech to the resistance members who were supposed to deploy with him in just a few hours.

“I’ll see you later?” asked Poe, after all the others had gone away.

Poe still seemed on edge, probably anxious about the mission, and Hux felt a familiar pang of guilt in his stomach. But what was even worse than guilt, was the realization of not being able to ever be enough for Poe. Hux felt disappointed, more with himself than Poe; disappointed because he allowed himself to forget that his feelings would never truly be reciprocated and that, even if they were, he would never be able to give Poe what he deserved.

“Me and Tico have some tech stuff to finish before your departure, since you kept me from working earlier” despite his own internal monologue, Hux managed to conclude the sentence with a light tone, hoping Poe wouldn’t notice the feeling hidden behind his words.

“I think it’s done you some good”

Poe raised a hand, reaching out to touch Hux’ face, before stopping as if to ask for his permission. Hux gave him a small smile, enough for Poe to feel allowed to cup Hux’ cheek with his hand. Hux felt like he had to shy away, retract from Poe’s touch like he so often did in the past, instead, he leaned into the other man’s touch and nodded.

“I’ll see you when you come back, then?” Hux asked after a few seconds.

Hux regretted his words immediately after they came out of his mouth seeing the shadow of worry and sadness in Poe’s eyes.

“That we can only hope” he answered, sounding almost unsure, so unlike the person Hux  thought he knew when he spent hours studying his files in the First Order’s database.

“You’ll make it, you always do” Hux whispered, beginning to close the distance between him and Poe. 

When they kissed again it wasn’t hurried like the first time. It was sweet and caring, and yet it held a feeling Hux couldn’t  quite place, something he could only call  _ finalistic _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been like way too busy this past week and I'm busy this week too, I wrote this like between meetings - hope you like it anyways.


End file.
